Shrouded
(2022)

My brain has become of fog of lost memories and a fading sense of self. While taking antidepressants for the past couple years has helped me in some ways, it has also hurt. There are chunks of time I no longer have and feelings that I can no longer experience as intensely, all for the sake of living a better life. But how am I able to live a better life when these medications take so much away from me? In this work, the soft imagery from the pinhole camera shows this disorientation that I experience. While it is a self-portrait, it is hard to see the figure in the image as me, mirroring how I find it difficult to recognize myself in my life. And the different colors of light suggest a range of emotions that I am flooded with while feeling like I’m losing myself. I want to bring to light the violent give and take that occurs to some when they make the choice to be medicated for their mental health. Like any medication, there are side effects. And I feel like they are not discussed or as widely known about as they should be. The topic of mental health medications is already taboo in our culture. And because of this, there aren’t many people that understand everything that these medications can do, good or bad; which can spread confusion and misjudgment to those using them. I would like to make the experiences of many like me known and show the daily struggle I go through to try and better my mental health.